I am a very lucky woman. My husband is kind, loyal, genuine, and funny as all heck. I thank God every day for him, and the beautiful family that he has given me. But, with that being said, there are a few easy, and I mean really easy, things that he could do to make me jump for joy with happiness on a daily basis.
Babe, if you are reading this, here you go:
1. Laundry is a family chore.
Last time I checked, I wasn’t the only one wearing clothes in our family. I’m pretty sure that both our children go through multiple outfits a day due to spillage, which is in addition to our almost four year old leaving severe skid marks on her Frozen themed undies (we are working on it) on a daily basis, and our toddler blowing out his diapers from time to time.
On top of these piles, your work and street clothes are usually reaching heights that in my opinion could finish in a close second to Everest. These clothes do not clean themselves, honey.
Please, please, please, help me! Help me before you find me buried alive in a pile of dirty towels and mismatched socks. I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, at 80! This is not the way to go.
So, if you want to help, there is a very simple rule you need to follow. And, yes, I am going to micromanage this too.
Laundry is a four-step process: wash, dry, fold, put away. If you can’t do all four steps, do not do it at all.
I don’t need to find a pile of what used to be clothes, rotting in the washing machine, with a stench so fierce it could blow me backwards. If you are going to do the laundry, please see it through from start to finish. I promise, as much as you want to believe that there is an “underwear fairy” that deposits clean boxer briefs in your drawer, there isn’t. It’s me, just little ‘ol me.
2. Put your dishes in the dishwasher.
Simple, right? I promise it won’t hurt you to check to see if the dishwasher is empty. It won’t hurt you to lift the dishes off the coffee table, or the counter, and walk them over to the sink to quickly rinse and put them into this magical machine that cleans your dishes for you.
If you chose to leave them where they sit, I will end up scrubbing them for at least ten minutes, trying to get all of the food residue off, and you know what? It isn’t fun. It’s not something I look forward to doing, at all. So, please, please, please, wash your dishes.
3. The trash — it needs to go out — so please take it.
Please stop trying to fit more into the garbage can that is already busting at the seams. I promise you, it will break, as soon as I try to remove it from said can and bring it outside.
It will tear apart, leaving remnants of last night’s dinner and dirty (so, so, gross) diapers, spewed across the floor.
Trust me, I am speaking from experience. If the bag is full, please don’t continue to shove things into it. Take it outside, put it in the bin, and put a new bag in the kitchen can.
I will love you more than I ever knew I could if you can do this for me on an every other day basis. Please and thank you.
4. Pretend to enjoy the dinner that I just made you from a box.
Yes, of course I want to be the next Julia Child. Who wouldn’t want to make a perfect coq au vin for their husband?
Unfortunately for you, it is not going to happen. I get home from picking up kids at 6 p.m. I need to put food on the table quickly and trying to make a gourmet meal in 20 minutes or less is just not going to happen.
Did I want to be the mom making Hamburger Helper? No. Am I the mom making Hamburger Helper from time to time? Yes, and it’s OK. Please, eat what I put on your plate, and smile, say thank you, and swallow. This is all I ask of you. Please.
5. Wake up first in the morning from time to time.
Mornings are actually my favorite time with our children. Still, with that being said, I would not refuse an extra 45 minutes of lying in bed with no responsibilities. Would I mind not reading books about going poop on the potty and doing dinosaur noises at 6 a.m.? Actually, I might, but from time to time, I would love being the one to sleep in for just a little bit longer.
Let’s make a deal, OK? We each get one weekend day to sleep in until 7:30? Deal? Great. Thank you.