entertainment

I Texted My Husband Lines From ‘The Bachelor’ To See How He Would React

by Desirée O

If you’ve ever wondered how the behavior of The Bachelor contestants would fare in the real world, you’re not alone.

After watching season after season of women trying to compete for the attention and affection of the man in the middle of the action while neck-deep in cringe-worthy circumstances that are more than a little over the top — with cameras rolling, no less! — I felt like it was time to put the reality TV lines to the test. I decided that the best way to do that would be to text my (sweet, good-natured) husband quotes from the show to see how he would react.

I assumed that as a result of my experiment, he might be somewhat taken aback, a bit weirded out, and totally confused. But since he knows that I get a kick out of the ridiculousness that occurs on The Bachelor, I figured he’d also be amused by what I had been up to when I finally revealed the truth.

Since we’re right in the middle of season 23, I thought it would be easiest to grab current quotes instead of trying to go back to past seasons. And while the drama around the newest bachelor, Colton Underwood, hasn’t been excessive up to this point, I still had plenty to work with. And for anyone watching the show: It will no doubt get wild soon enough!

But back to my wonderfully silly little experiment.

Since the drama regularly peaks on the show and romance abounds, I had no shortage of quotes when I collected material. Thankfully, the ladies this season have been eager to express themselves while also trying to woo Colton with their thoughts. Sometimes they even make up words that didn’t previously exist before they appeared on the franchise. Befumbled? Yep, befumbled.

With a grin on my face, I prepared to text my hubby to see if I could earn my very own rose.

Gathering My Bachelor Lines

Gathering My <i>Bachelor</i> Lines
Courtesy of ABC/Giphy

Since I didn’t know how the conversation would go, I decided to have plenty of lines from The Bachelor at my disposal.

Here’s what I gathered ahead of time:

  • Colton: “I’m really hoping today we don’t die.”
  • Hannah B.: “Praise the Lord. I’m not in the drama this time.”
  • Elyse: “In our normal relationships with a male, if you’re in a robe and you’re going in private it’s probably not to play paper, rock, scissors.”
  • Demi: “I have the sweetest blood ever.”
  • Tayshia: “Have fun. Don’t die. See you at the bottom.”
  • Colton: “You know your value, you have self-worth, and you’re not going to settle.”
  • Onyeka: “It’s definitely rubbing people the wrong way. I think it almost looks a little desperate.”
  • Catherine: “I don’t think that I have disrespected anybody.”
  • Demi: “I want to show you my fantasy closet.”
  • Hannah B.: “I’m like… befumbled.”
  • Colton: “There’s definitely chemistry and a nice spark.”
  • Demi: “I am worth the world. I am amazing.”
  • Nicole: “Hee, hee, hee, yay, this is wonderful.”
  • Tracy: “It made me slightly sick to my stomach.”
  • Colton: “I respect the heck out of that.”
  • Catherine: “I do not want any bad blood.”
  • Demi: “Courtney puts the ‘a**’ in ‘class.'”
  • Onyeka: “Here we go. It’s happening.”
  • Tracy: “It’s bizarre that she thought that was OK.”
  • Hannah B.: “I’m trying not to get in my head about it, but… I’m going to get in my head about it.”
  • Demi: “I think it sent a huge message to my haters.”
  • Colton: “Will you accept this rose?”

Text No. 1

Text No. 1
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

My text: “I’m like… befumbled. I’m really hoping today we don’t die.”

For my first message, I decided to combine two lines from The Bachelor. First, I used Hannah B.’s oh-so-eloquent “befumbled” quote, then added Colton’s own words regarding dying. I figured it was a wild and wacky way to get things started.

His Response

His Response
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

“Befumbled? Lol! Amazing word! But yeah, I agree today wouldn’t be a good day to die.”

I couldn’t blame him for being confused by the hilariously wonky word, and I thought it was cute that he loved it. I was also happy to find out that he wouldn’t be thrilled to meet his demise on this particular day.

So far, the experiment was off to a wonderfully silly start.

Text No. 2

Text No. 2
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

My text: “In our normal relationships with a male, if you’re in a robe and you’re going in private it’s probably not to play paper, rock, scissors.”

Next, I couldn’t resist using Elyse’s cheeky response to fellow contestant, Demi, taking Colton upstairs to see her “fantasy closet” while wearing a robe. Granted, the sentiment might seem a little random out of context; however, the message is still pretty accurate. Although I certainly can’t speak for hardcore rock, paper, scissor fans. Maybe they do wear robes while playing in private?

His Response

His Response
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

“Um… wow, suuuuper intimate. I guess that’s true. Have you been drinking??? LOL.”

At this point, perhaps I should mention that my husband was at his ax-throwing league night while I was sending him these messages. I couldn’t help but picture him standing there receiving my peculiar texts while trying to throw bull’s-eyes. It made the entire situation even more ludicrous and hilarious.

I also thought it was pretty funny that he thought I might not be 100% sober.

Text No. 3

Text No. 3
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

My text: “Praise the Lord. I’m not in the drama this time.”

By now, my husband already seemed a little weirded out by my texts, but that didn’t mean I was going to stop. That’s why I went with another gem from Hannah B. (I could even hear her Alabama accent while typing the words!)

His Response

His Response
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

“Really? Because it kind of seems like you are. Seriously tho… drunk?”

OK, now he was apparently really wondering if I had been drinking some wine or perhaps whipped up a cocktail or two. I was curious about the sort of drama he thought I might be involved in.

Text No. 4

Text No. 4
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

My text: “I think it sent a huge message to my haters.”

Honestly, I’d like to believe that I don’t actually have any “haters” out there. But if I did, perhaps I would want to send them “a huge message” just like Demi did this season. I don’t know what that huge message would be or how I would send it, but if the people on the receiving end reacted in any way like my hubby was to my texts, I would certainly get a giggle out of it.

His Response

His Response
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

“Wtf kinda message? What haters!?!”

He was definitely getting even more confused by my texts with each one that I sent. And while he wanted to know what haters I was referring to, it was nice to discover that he couldn’t think of any off the top of his head.

Text No. 5

Text No. 5
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

My text: “Will you accept this rose?”

This is a classic line that you hear from every bachelor during the rose ceremonies, where some women continue on, while others are eliminated and sent home. I wondered how my hubby would react (or if he would recognize) the by now obvious reference.

His Response

His Response
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

At this point, he was starting to understand what was going on and replied, “Have you been watching the Bachelor?”

I had to give him credit for not only replying to my weirdo messages as opposed to simply ignoring them due to the WTF factor but also recognizing The Bachelor vibe (or at least the final rose-related reference).

The Truth

The Truth
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

I figured it was time to come clean. I sent him a final message letting him know what I was up to and assured him that I wasn’t about to morph into a woman who acts like a Bachelor contestant 24/7.

My Final Thoughts

My Final Thoughts
Courtesy of ABC/Giphy

We all know that the situations on The Bachelor are over the top, which is why the actions and reactions from the people on the show are just as wild. And considering it’s all meant to make entertaining television, they definitely amp things up a notch. But even texting a few simple quotes from the show to someone in my real life made it even more obvious how abnormal the on-camera circumstances are.

However, I enjoyed the silly little experiment and was reminded that my husband is a good sport who will put up with any random weirdness I throw his way. Now that’s a keeper who will always earn a rose from me!

My Husband’s Final Thoughts

My Husband’s Final Thoughts
Courtesy of Desirée O for LittleThings

“You’re goofy. I love you.” He then asked, “If you were single would you go on The Bachelor?”

Hmm. I’m not sure. Texting like one of the contestants was weird enough for me.

Would YOU go on The Bachelor?