Many people enjoy the guilty pleasure of “people watching” when they’re out in public places.
Although it isn’t always nice, almost everyone can admit to having looked over at another family and wondered why in the world they act the way they do.
Kelly Dirkes, a loving mother of several special-needs children, was out shopping at Target one day. She caught the attention of a fellow shopper who noticed Dirkes was holding her child in a sling, rather than pushing her daughter around in a shopping cart.
The woman firmly let Dirkes know that coddling her infant in such a way would impede her independence and growth. Simply put, carrying her around all the time would spoil her child.
Dirkes simply smiled and walked away. The prying woman couldn’t possibly know how wrong she was. After all, it’s easy to judge others, especially when you don’t know their life story.
Below is an open letter, posted by Dirkes on Facebook, to the opinionated Target patron. What she has to say may surprise you.
Don’t forget to let us know what you think of Dirkes’ explanation in the comments!
Kelly Dirkes, a loving mother of several adopted, special-needs children, was approached by a stranger in Target.
The nosy shopper claimed that by holding her child instead of pushing her in a cart, she was spoiling her daughter.
Here is what Dirkes had to say:
“Dear Woman in Target –
“I’ve heard it before, you know. That I ‘spoil that baby.’ You were convinced that she’d never learn to be ‘independent.’ I smiled at you, kissed her head, and continued my shopping.
“If you only knew what I know.”
“If you only knew how she spent the first ten months of her life utterly alone inside a sterile metal crib, with nothing to comfort her other than sucking her fingers.
“If you only knew what her face looked like the moment her orphanage caregiver handed her to me to cradle for the very first time — fleeting moments of serenity commingled with sheer terror.
“No one had ever held her that way before, and she had no idea what she was supposed to do.”
“If you only knew that she would lay in her crib after waking and never cry — because up until now, no one would respond.
“If you only knew that anxiety was a standard part of her day, along with banging her head on her crib rails and rocking herself for sensory input and comfort.”
“If you only knew that that baby in the carrier is heartbreakingly ‘independent’ — and how we will spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years trying to override the part of her brain that screams ‘trauma’ and ‘not safe.’
“If you only knew what I know.
“If you only knew that that baby now whimpers when she’s put down instead of when she is picked up.
“If you only knew that that baby ‘sings’ at the top of her lungs in the mornings and after her nap, because she knows that her chatter will bring someone to lift her out of her crib and change her diaper.”
“If you only knew that that baby rocks to sleep in her Mama’s or her Papa’s arms instead of rocking herself.
“If you only knew that that baby made everyone cry the day she reached out for comfort, totally unprompted.
“If you only knew what I know.
“‘Spoiling that baby’ is the most important job I will ever have, and it is a privilege. I will carry her for a little while longer — or as long as she’ll let me — because she is learning that she is safe. That she belongs. That she is loved.
If you only knew…”
Since posting her letter, Dirkes’ beautiful words have gone absolutely viral, inspiring parents and nonparents around the world.
Judging other people is easy, but extending understanding and love is far more rewarding.
Let us know what you think about Kelly Dirkes’ open letter in the comments, and please SHARE with anyone who has ever received criticism for the way they raised their kids!