10 Ways To Know You’re Raising A Fierce Tween Girl From A Mom Who Absolutely Is

by Sarah Bregel
Sarah Bregel is an editor at covering entertainment, trending stories, adorable stuff, parenting, and more. She is also a freelance writer, mom of two, dog mom, feminist, and deep-breather.

The tween years are the ages between 8 and 12, and in these “in-between” times, there’s a lot that goes on.

It’s necessary. It’s jarring. And while, mostly, it’s an amazing time of growth, reflection, and self-discovery, it can be tumultuous.

Girls can be incredibly reflective, sensitive, bold, and complicated individuals. This means tween girls are maybe the most intense brand of people out there. They can be downright finicky, fashionable, and completely fierce. One second they’re full of energy and making 10,001 plans (that you’ll have to drive them to), and the next they’re acting borderline zombie-like.

They’re happy, then irritable, then angry, and they have somehow completely forgotten how to pour a bowl of cereal or find a pair of socks. (OMG. They’re in your SOCK DRAWER.)

Either way, parenting a tween girl can be tough on moms especially. They love us, but they also like to take out all of those tween emotions on us, too. We get it, because we’ve been there. But it doesn’t exactly make for an easy few years.

Still, we know that all their intensity makes them extra special, and we wouldn’t have them any other way. While we (sometimes) wish they could tamp it down a little while they’re living in our houses, we also know they’ll need their boldness. It’s important, and so we do our best not to diminish it and let our tweens rock out with their fierceness. There’d be no stopping them anyway.

Here are 10 ways to know you’re raising a fierce tween girl.

She's always in her head.

She's always in her head.
Sarah Bregel/Little Things

The wheels are always turning with this one. There’s so much going on behind those sweet but sassy eyes. If you ask what’s up, you’re usually met with “nothing.” Still, you can’t help but wonder what your tween is thinking.

She challenges you constantly.

While she used to hang on every word you said, these days most of the words that come out of your mouth tend to be … the wrong ones. You get used to second-guessing yourself because you don’t want to anger her. Sometimes that’s a good thing! It makes you pause before you speak. Other times, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

She's intensely brave.

While just a year or so ago, she needed you for everything, now you stand back and watch her get things done. She orders her own food, holds little kids’ hands to cross the street, and has basically become a boss babe! You can’t help but marvel at her bravery when things that would’ve frightened her not long ago seem simple now, and you know she’s only going to keep growing into herself in all the best ways.

She (secretly) still wants your approval.

While most of the time, everything you do is just plain obnoxious to your tween, she still is looking up to you at the same time (even though she totally won’t tell you that). If she senses you don’t approve of something, she’s overcome with emotion. For as intense as a person as she is, she is still more sensitive than you often realize.

She's intensely interested in all "grown-up" things.

As a result, you can scarcely have an adult conversation anymore without her eavesdropping or just plain hanging out like one of the big girls and inserting her own (sometimes shockingly grown-up) anecdotes that make you say, “Whoa, girl. Where did that come from?”

She's a creative genius.

She’s brimming with ideas, insights, creative pursuits, and entrepreneurial projects! It’s really amazing how one person can have so many ideas at lightning speed, but it’s a bit exhausting, because honestly, your adult brain churns a little bit slower, and it can’t quite keep up. But you can’t help but think that if the world was run by tween girls, we’d be in pretty good shape.

She's more vulnerable than she realizes.

Your daughter is bold in so many ways, but no one ever said that she can’t also be sensitive at the same time. Sometimes, she is overwhelmed by her emotions that roll in like epic tidal waves, and you have to remind yourself that intense vulnerability comes with the territory as far as the tweenage years go.

She always says what she means.

Tact is just not her thing at this stage of the game. It’s kind of OK because you always know where she stands — she’s incredibly honest. However, you also know when you need to change your outfit, when she hates your cooking, or what her opinion is on pretty much anything else you’re doing. Because she’ll definitely tell you, and then probably tell you again.

Her friends are everything to her.

Her friends are everything to her.
Sarah Bregel/Little Things

If anyone is obsessed with her friends, it’s probably your tween girl. While family functions used to be fun, these days she’s just counting the minutes until she can go hang with her buds. You’re old news, but you also understand how powerful and important friendships are, especially during these years of swift changes and big feelings.

She reminds you of, well … YOU.

Yes, you were every bit as fierce when you were a tween. The great thing about having a tween girl is that they constantly remind you of all that intensity, and it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes, we can learn from them how to embrace our inner fierceness, and it’s totally a gift.