Marriage proposals can go a lot of different ways. Sometimes they’re spontaneous and it’s perfect. Other times, they’re thoughtfully planned out, and it’s also pretty perfect.
And still other times … they’re planned, but the plans aren’t exactly ideal. One woman recently shared on Reddit that she’s experienced two fairly disappointing proposals in the past, and she had been hoping that her current boyfriend would have something better in mind. Unfortunately, it turns out that she doesn’t love how he plans to propose.
It sounds like he did … until she found out that part of his plan included proposing with the same ring that he proposed to his previous girlfriend with.
This isn’t her first or second proposal, so this time around, she really wants it to be right.
“Let’s start with what I do not want to be judged on: I have been married twice,” the woman explained. “First to my high school sweetheart (together 14 years, married 4 of those) who left me for a coworker. Then to my only other high school boyfriend (a One Who Got Away type) who married me after a year of dating. We knew each other since we were 14, lost touch, reconnected and then… he died. Very suddenly the age of 35.”
She’s been with her current boyfriend for two years, and she’s been feeling great.
“It was a hellish few years and I finally got my life back together. I met my current boyfriend and we’ve been dating for 2 years now. I’m still fairly young but don’t want to provide a number because this is a lot of personal info already.”
She explains that her previous proposals were just … not good.
“Both of my other proposals and rings were not great. I’ve never been one for huge diamonds or grand romantic gestures, but the first time he made me pick out my own ring with no input from him whatsoever, then just proposed after a stressful day of moving when we were watching a movie in our pajamas. It was not a sweet moment, he just handed it over.”
“The second time my then-boyfriend was ill (I didn’t know it yet, unfortunately) and he just popped the question in bed one morning,” she wrote. “Sweeter than the first time but still underwhelming. He was broke so I had to buy my own ring and pick it out again, it was cheap but I felt like the proposal and ring didn’t matter since the relationship was so much better. Obviously, he died so yeah.”
She told her current boyfriend everything. When the topic of proposals came up recently, she also heard about everything her boyfriend planned for his ex.
“My now boyfriend knows all this and we were talking proposals for some reason,” the woman note. “He told me how he planned a beautiful night for his ex, Christmas lights and dinner and a walk by the river, all that. I was a little jealous but not that bad until he GOT OUT THE RING HE GAVE HER to show me and asked if I liked it, because it was what he’d planned to give me.”
The ring is really the issue here, which is fair. It’s hard for her to feel like her proposal will be special if she knows he’s already used the ring once before.
“After knowing everything about how disappointed I’d been, he whips out a ring he’d already given another girl and ruins any surprise. Plus I now know he wants to propose to me with a ring that was given back to him.”
“This ring was not a family heirloom, it was found on the ground somewhere in an original setting and after he couldn’t find the owner he had it reset for his ex,” she told Reddit.
“I just snapped and said yes, it was beautiful, but how could I possibly get excited for yet another ring that wasn’t chosen for me by the man I loved, let alone already given to someone else and returned?! I got emotional and said I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He started to say he was going to plan something really special for my proposal and I said ‘I don’t care, I’m done talking about this, please just drop it!'”
Now her boyfriend is mad at her. She says that he “thought I’d be excited that he had a ring,” and it doesn’t seem like he understands exactly why using a ring that he’s given to someone else once before is a problem. She also explained that it’s even harder since he knows all of this about her past.
“He already has all this info about how disappointing my rings and proposals have been – not for the monetary value or gesture size, but because it makes me feel like you can just throw a piece of jewelry at me and I’ll take it,” she noted.
Plenty of people were immediately concerned that the woman has gone through this situation not once, not twice, but now three times.
Ring found on ground
Previously given to another woman
You’re looking at 3out of 3 proposals being pretty lame
I would say that adds up to a right to feeling pretty peeved,” commented one person.
Most people also agree that reusing an engagement ring is just poor form.
“You have more than enough reason to want this time to be special,” wrote another commenter. “And even if you didn’t, giving somebody a ring you bought for somebody else is NEVER okay.”
Apparently, reusing an engagement ring is … a fairly common practice?
“Listen guys, in general, if we love you we don’t give an [expletive] about the ring. UNLESS IT IS ANOTHER WOMAN’S RING,” cautioned another commenter. “Stop it. I don’t care that you spent a ton of money on it. Sell it. Get me a new one. Stop trying to give women engagement rings used by your previous gf, [expletive] is wrong with y’all?!”
After reading a lot of the comments she received, the woman updated her post and said she texted her boyfriend about the situation:
“I know you’re at work and this is premature but I wanted to get it off my chest because things are going so well lately. It may never come up but if you do propose I don’t want (ex’s) ring. It’s beautiful but it will always be hers and it would feel like a silver medal. I will say yes to you no matter what but I don’t want her ring. You can reset it or sell it, get a $50 ring and pocket the money, I don’t care. I just have been thinking about it and wanted to let you know how I felt. No need to respond to this, I just had to get it out. Love you.”