Most of us know that when it comes to genetics, sometimes things can be a little funny. For example, it’s completely possible that two blue-eyed parents can have a biological child who has brown eyes.
A lot of people don’t understand how genetics work, and when a child doesn’t look like what they expected, they might imply that there’s another reason why.
That’s what one mom is dealing with right now with her family. She took to a Reddit forum to explain the situation. She says that she and her husband are both blue-eyed, but their son has brown eyes. They’ve never thought much about it, but apparently, her brother-in-law has spent an awful lot of time thinking it over.
He’s also decided that there must be some kind of secret reason why his nephew has brown eyes.
She says that the first time he said something, they both told him it was an interesting observation to make … but now, he won’t let it go.
“But he keeps bringing it up. Again he made another comment on my son’s second birthday. My best friend is Asian. My ex from almost seven years ago (I’ve been with my husband for five years now) is Asian as well. He ‘joked’ that my son looks more like my friend (?) because he has dark hair and eyes, then he turned to me and said ‘Isn’t your ex Asian? Maybe my bro needs a test’ and laughed. I thought this was so rude and was so happy no one nearby heard it.”
It’s already clear that this behavior from her brother-in-law is really hard to deal with. These kinds of “jokes” are rarely that funny to everyone involved, and the mom is definitely not laughing. It is pretty weird that her brother-in-law is so obsessed with his nephew’s eye color that reading up on how different genes can behave isn’t enough for him.
But her brother-in-law recently took everything a step too far, and made yet another thinly veiled rude comment that’s also racist.
“The straw the broke the camels back was when I went to the beach yesterday with my husband and son. We all got pretty tan from being in the sun all day and I took a picture of us and posted it on my story. My brother in law swiped up and said: ‘Why’s my brother holding a little Mexican kid’ with a bunch of laughing emojis.”
The mom decided that enough was enough, and told him so.
“I went off on him and told him that I’m sick and tired of his little jokes towards my son all because he has brown hair and brown eyes and his father is blonde with blue eyes. He’s 21 so I get he’s young but until he stops with the constant DNA jokes, I don’t want him around our son.”
She believes that her move was totally warranted, but it turns out that her husband doesn’t totally agree.
“If he doesn’t believe they’re related, there’s obviously no bond and I don’t feel comfortable with him around him. I told my husband to tell his brother this and he’s saying I’m the [expletive] wanting him to tell his brother he can’t see his nephew and that he knows our son is his so why do I let his brother’s comments affect me.”
Many people were quick to point out that not only is the mom not at fault, but her husband should have stood up for her against his brother’s racist and exhausting comments.
“And your husband is equally a [expletive] for not standing up for you and your child. On top of the racist comments, your BIL’s insinuation that you cheated is extremely uncalled for.”
The mom chimed in that she agrees, and it’s this insinuation that really makes the whole situation so challenging for her. “My husband and I’s relationship is strong and we both know there’s no infidelity but just the insinuation makes me so uncomfortable, I don’t care if it’s a joke.”
One person said that they believe her husband shouldn’t let his brother make “jokes” about whether or not his wife has cheated, and he should also understand why she would be upset by those “jokes.”
“Your husband is T A for (1) allowing his brother to directly accuse you of infidelity and then (2) blaming you for being offended by it, as in ‘Why do you let it bother you?’. Your husband needs to shut that down and tell bro that bro must respect his wife.”
Another person brought up the fact that so many of our physical traits can come from our grandparents as well.
“Everyone here is doing a great job pointing out the genetics and biology component. There’s also historical to consider. What color eyes do all four of your son’s grandparents have? How about great-grandparents? Traits can sit dormant for generations.
“For instance, my mum has brown eyes. Her parents have blue eyes and green eyes. Her grandparents had blue, blue, green, and hazel. We would have to go to her great-grandparents (my great-great-grandparents) to find another set of brown eyes. Coming to my generation, though, my sister and I both have brown eyes. Of my sister’s three kids, one has hazel eyes (father has brown eyes), one has blue eyes (father has blue eyes), and the final has blue eyes (father has green eyes).”
If talking to her husband and brother-in-law doesn’t work, one person suggested a pretty clever tactic for the mom to try:
“Offer to swab your son’s cheek for a DNA test, and wager a healthy five-figure sum on the results. Put up or shut up.”
Hopefully, the mom will have the chance to really talk to her husband about why his brother’s comments are so upsetting, and the two of them can work together to come up with a response that is unified, and that supports the mom. Otherwise, her son’s relationship with his uncle will likely be damaged, and it sounds like it’s due to no one’s fault but the uncle himself.