Kristen Wiig is having a huge 2020. Wonder Woman 1984 is arguably her biggest project to date. In the film, Kristen plays Barbara Minerva, the alter ego of the villain Cheetah.
Before Kristen stepped into her villainous new role, she entered another that’s far sweeter. She became a mom for the first time.
Her road to motherhood wasn’t an easy one, and it hasn’t been easy for her to talk about. She opened up about it for the first time for the September issue of InStyle.
“I wish I had talked about it more and asked for more help,” she admitted.
Kristen and fiancé Avi Rothman welcomed twins in January via surrogate. The family of four has been at home in Los Angeles ever since.
“We’ve sort of been quarantining since January because of the babies. We’re nesting, and we’re tired. Having two 9-month-olds is a lot!” she admitted.
“But they’re growing, and I can’t wait to see them every morning. It’s not all just lying around and smiling at babies, though. It’s overwhelming to think about everyone else who’s struggling, and it’s hard to be good knowing that.”
“It was a very long road. But the little munchkins are here. We tried to keep the [surrogacy] process private for as long as possible, because it is a very private thing. Unfortunately, we were photographed with them — and, well, it’s out there!” she continued.
“As private as I am and as sacred as this all is, what helped me was reading about other women who went through it and talking to those who have gone through IVF and fertility stuff. It can be the most isolating experience. But I’m trying to find that space where I can keep my privacy and also be there for someone else who may be going through it.”
Kristen explained that she and Avi had been trying for a long time to start a family. “We’ve been together for about five years, and three of them were spent in an IVF haze,” she revealed.
“Emotionally, spiritually, and medically, it was probably the most difficult time in my life. I wasn’t myself.”
“There are so many emotions that go with it — you’re always waiting by the phone and getting test results, and it was just bad news after bad news. Occasionally there would be a good month, but then it was just more bad news. There was a lot of stress and heartache,” she continued.
There are so many families that have years-long fertility journeys, and it’s an incredibly difficult and draining process filled with ups and downs.
“It was a long [expletive] time. It got to the point where I just kind of stopped talking about it entirely, because I would get sad whenever someone asked,” she said.
“It was just part of my life. I gave myself shots in airplane bathrooms and at restaurants — and those shots are no joke.”
Kristen admitted it took a lot out of her emotionally. “That’s how I felt. It’s hard not to personalize it when you get a negative result. You go through so much self-deprecation, and you feel like your partner may be seeing you in a different way and all this other stuff we make up in our heads,” she acknowledged.
“But when I did talk about it, every time I said that I was going through IVF, I would meet someone who was either going through it, about to go through it, or had a friend who just did it. It’s like this underground community that’s talked about but not talked about.”
After the grueling experience, Kristen’s doctor asked the couple about exploring other avenues.
“I remember when our doctor mentioned going other routes, and I was just like, ‘Nope. Don’t ever bring that up again. I’m getting pregnant. I’m doing this.'”
“I finally realized that I just needed help. And, thank God, we found the most amazing surrogate.”
Taking the leap to surrogacy was difficult for Kristen and Avi, despite the fact that the experience was ultimately amazing.
“So many things were bittersweet. I was over the moon feeling them kick for the first time, but then I would get in my head and ask myself all these questions, like, ‘Why couldn’t I do this?'”
“At the same time, I would tell myself it didn’t matter. She was giving us the greatest gift, and I just wanted them to get here!”
“Overall it was a very beautiful thing, and now that I’m on the other side, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I’ve always believed that things happen the way they’re supposed to happen, and this is how [our babies] were supposed to get here,” she continued.
“I became really close with our surrogate, and it was her first time doing it so we kind of went through everything together.”
“When the children were born, I wanted to make sure she was OK and she wanted to make sure I was OK. It was a lot of navigating through emotions and respecting that she had a connection with them and trying to be really honest about how I was feeling,” she noted.
“Ultimately, I realized that I’m very fortunate. I’m grateful. I’m a different person now.”