With this simple butterfly-shaped device, you can say goodbye to flab and hello to an amazing body!
Sounds too good to be true, right? It probably is, yet with the help of Suzanne Somers’ beautiful face and charismatic personality, these babies sold like hotcakes in the ’70s, and even bought Suzanne a house she dubbed the “Thighmaster Mansion.”
2. Tiddy Bear
You’re a good, law-abiding citizen who wants to make sure you’re buckled in at all times, but gosh darn it, those seat belts are such a nuisance!
Well have no fear, Tiddy Bear is here! This adorable little bear snaps right on to your seat belt and provides…comfort? Plushness? Extra padding for women who wear low-cut tops?
And yes, it is pronounced tiddy bear. Say it slowly and look at the screengrab above. We wish we were making this up.
It’s not quite a blanket yet not quite a coat…yet these wearable blankets with sleeves were popularized by their hilariously ridiculous infomercials, which seemed to make people want them all the more.
Somehow, more than 20 million of these things have been sold all across the U.S., resulting in more than $400 million in sales.
4. Shake Weight
People clamor for anything easy and affordable to help them lose weight, but the Shake Weight has got to to be one of the most ridiculous inventions.
The suspiciously sexual-looking vibrating free weight has been parodied on SNL, television shows, and a variety of other humor sites, and ridiculed for its outrageous claims of building muscle while essentially doing nothing other than looking absolutely silly.
5. Comfort Wipe
Who needs old-fashioned toilet paper when you can add a useless and entirely embarrassing product (the tag line even encourages you not to be embarrassed) to wipe yourself?
Featuring an extension arm and holder, this thing is supposedly the “sanitary solution” for using toilet paper without having to actually the stuff in your own hands.
Instead, you can flounder around while trying to use this giant claw! Cool, right?
6. Wearable Towel
Who has the time for a silly old towel, anyway? Such a hassle to wrap around yourself after a shower!
The wearable towel is not only functional, it’s fashionable! You can wear it in a variety of ways, from toga to tunic style, so you can get dry without wanting to cry.
7. Bark Off
In a world of shock collars and products that upset your poor yappy pooch, owners were desperate for a humane and safe product to cut down on their dog’s barking.
Bark Off promised just that, with alleged “humane ultrasonic waves” that only dogs could hear, but it had some weird side effects. The high-pitched whining noise it produced just made dogs and their parents even more anxious, and did little to stop the barking.
8. Slap Chop
OK, so this fine food chopper may not be so dumb, but what makes these infomercials so cringeworthy is the salesman pushing them, Vince Shlomi.
“You know you hate making salad. That’s why you don’t have any salad in your diet,” he practically scolds you. But wait, with this miraculous salad maker, suddenly your salad will transform from boring to BOUNDLESS FUN!
“Fettuccine, linguine, martini, bikini!”
9. Ginsu Steak Knives
If you watched a lot of TV during the ’70s, you probably remember the commercials for these bad boys, which promised miraculous knives that could slice through anything like butter.
Only the catch was: these knives weren’t particularly special, and the product wasn’t even Japanese, yet people ate it up, so to speak. John Belushi famously parodied this product with ridiculously good advertising on SNL.
10. Mighty Putty
You remember Silly Putty, that awesome squishy, kneadable play dough that you could slap, throw, and twist into ungodly shapes.
Well, there was also Mighty Putty, a grown-up version of Silly Putty, if you will, that came nearly 50 years after its inception. Mighty Putty promised to “seal leaks instantly,” attach metal to glass, glass to wood, and even help pull a 80,000 pound truck.
It turns from green to white. See? It’s MAGIC! Order now.
11. Doc Bottoms Aspray
Smell bad? Didn’t have time to shower, wear deodorant or put on fresh socks this morning, you sicko?
No worries, just spray this on your targeted “odor zones” and kill that bad bacteria and “beastly butt odor,” as salesman Adam Jay calls it.
12. Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask
No, this is not a scene from a horror movie. This is an actual product that claims to reduce wrinkles by “exercising” the facial muscles like sit-ups might.
It also doubles as a great mask for Halloween.
13. GLH Hair System
Are you balding? Want to look and feel youthful with a bounty of hair atop your head again?
Try GLH (Great-Looking Hair), an easy spray-on colored hair thickener that is truly mesmerizing to watch. This wacky product was popular in the ’90s, and apparently you can even go swimming with it.
14. Hawaii Chair
Aloha! Now you can trim and slim your body without ever going to the gym, or so say these infomercial salesman…
Just use the Hawaii Chair, modeled after hula dancing, which alleges to take the “work” out of your workout.
Do it at home right at home while looking completely ridiculous and embarrassing your entire family!
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