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Dad Takes Craigslist Post About Selling Family Van As Opportunity To Roast His Entire Family

by Giovanna Boldrini
Giovanna was born in Rome, Italy and currently resides in South Salem, New York. In her free time, she likes to cook with her children and grandchildren.

Craigslist can be a disreputable place to buy and sell items. You can find everything under the sun for sale on the website, but it’s an unregulated wilderness rife with scammers. “Buyer beware” should be the company motto.

So it’s wildly refreshing when someone just comes right of the gates with brutal, hilarious honesty in a post. That’s why Josh Wood’s advertisement for his 2005 15-seater van has everyone LOLing today!

The dad of nine(!) recently upgraded his family’s vehicle, and as such their much-loved — and much-destroyed — 13-year-old car is hopefully going to a new home. But because Josh is the kind of guy who isn’t interested in selling a lemon or taking advantage of anyone, he came right out and described all the vehicle’s issues. Anyone with kids will know exactly what he’s talking about and sympathize.

So buckle up (car puns!), and get ready to laugh at the nominee for best Craigslist ad ever!

Here's the beast in question:

Here's the beast in question:

The listing mentions that the Ford 350 XL has over 140,000 miles, that it’s had regular maintenance, and that… well, who cares about the technical stuff! We’re going to let Josh break it down for you.

The listing starts as follows:

“The van is missing a speaker in the side door. My kids have been throwing random items in the speaker hole for years. So, you may end up with some very special treasures. Or really old chicken nuggets. Probably both.”

“One side of the van has a yellow scuff mark on it. That’s courtesy of me and a battle with a yellow concrete parking divider (I did not win). The other side of the van has a matching white scuff mark. That one is courtesy of my wife. She completes me. In related news, you know how most cars these days come equipped with … fancy backup cameras? This one does not.”

“My wife and I have used this van for the better part of a decade. We’re a lovely couple, but we sometimes inadvertently back into inanimate objects. Also, we’ve been forced to take defensive driving class a few more times than the average American. That said, there are a number of other minor scratches, dents, and places where the paint is chipped on this vehicle.”

But wait, there's more.

But wait, there's more.

“When you open the side doors, the rubber door liner is detached in some places. It still does its job, but it looks stupid.”

“The van came equipped with automatic door locks. Unfortunately, they no longer work… [and] rather than taking the van to a repair shop like a normal person, I duct taped the button down to keep the motor from running. At some point the duct tape failed and the motor ran until it eventually burned up or something.”

Josh also mentions that duct tape will not be included in the sale.

“We’re a family of 11. Every one of our children has thrown up in this van at some point in the past decade… The van is clean now; but, it will probably always be inhabited by the ghost of vomit past.”

We're in the lightning round of quotes now.

We're in the lightning round of quotes now.

“The automatic windows work! This is good because the air conditioner does not,” explains Josh before segueing into, “The windshield is cracked.”

 

If you thought this entire van was worthless, think again:

“There’s a 20″ tv mounted to the ceiling. It works and is connected to an in-dash DVD player. This is a handy feature as it helps distract kids from the intermittent air conditioning and smell of decaying chicken nuggets.”

And in terms of price:

“I looked the van up on Kelley Blue Book. $4,396. Unfortunately, Kelley Blue Book only allows me to choose between the following conditions: excellent, very good, good, and fair. I chose ‘fair’ since ‘sad’ was not an option. I’ve adjusted my asking price accordingly.”

As you can imagine, everyone is absolutely loving Josh's advertisement.

As you can imagine, everyone is absolutely loving Josh's advertisement.

The interest in this beat-up family van has sparked a ton of interest, so much so that Josh felt obligated to write an update on Craigslist:

“[My] goodness, world. Wow,” reads the update. “Thanks so much for all of the interest! I’ve loved reading your many emails, responses, and commiserations (yes, I googled to make sure that was a real word). Solidarity, fellow parents and vomit van drivers.”

And if you can believe it, the van is officially gone! “The van has officially been sold,” continued Josh, “(surprising me and likely all of you)!”

The lesson is simple: Honesty — and a huge dose of humor — is the best policy!