Bride Is Angry And Confused When Black Friend Refuses To Attend Wedding Held At Plantation

by Kim Wong-Shing
Kim Wong-Shing is a staff writer at LittleThings. Her work spans beauty, wellness, pop culture, identity, food, and other topics. She is a contributing writer at NaturallyCurly, and her work has also appeared in HelloGiggles, Lifehacker, Wear Your Voice Magazine, and other outlets. She grew up in Philadelphia, attended Brown University, and is now based in New Orleans.

As romantic as weddings can be, they also have the power to make or break friendships. A 26-year-old woman is angry because her black bridesmaid dropped out of her wedding after discovering that it was being held at a former slave plantation.

The woman anonymously shared her story under the name “southernwedding21” on Reddit. But although the bride wrote to the advice forum for help, people are accusing her of being the terrible one.

The bride’s friend, known as “J,” didn’t feel comfortable celebrating a wedding at a plantation for both personal and professional reasons. She’d told the bride about her feelings ahead of time, and the bride agreed to hold it elsewhere.

“I remember us having that conversation,” the bride explained in her since-deleted post, “but I thought she was being overly sensitive and would change her mind when the actual wedding came around.”

Instead, J dropped out of the wedding.

“How do I convince her that she’s being ridiculous and that what happened there was a long time ago and has no bearing on my wedding?” the bride asked.

Rather than answer that question, readers gave her some serious pushback.

The 26-year-old bride wrote a post in Reddit to ask for advice about her bridesmaid dropping out of her wedding.

The bride had decided to hold her wedding at an “incredibly beautiful plantation.”

“It’s one that I’ve admired since I was a little girl,” she explained.

“When I announced the venue location to my bridal party, everyone seemed excited for me except J and T (who is best friends with J),” she wrote.

Indeed, J had already expressed reservations about a plantation wedding. She’s African American, and plantations hold painful memories for her community. Years before, the bride agreed not to hold it there.

But then she decided to go ahead and hold it at the plantation anyway.


The bride apparently thought J was being “overly sensitive” and would change her mind.

Instead, J dropped out of the wedding.


J wrote a very gentle, kind message about it.

“I love you a lot but have to bow out of being a bridesmaid,” J said. “I firmly believe all plantations should be museums that highlight the atrocious injustices towards my community.”


“To be pictured and seen at a plantation wedding could cause harm to my professional reputation and, much as I love you, I cannot make that sacrifice,” she wrote.

The insulted bride took to Reddit to air her concern in a post that has since been deleted.

But readers thought she was being ridiculous — so much so that the post spread from Reddit to Twitter, where it went viral.

One user made an analogy comparing the harm of plantations to that of concentration camps.

And some people pointed out that the bride’s ignorance could be due to her race or Southern upbringing.

“Sounds about white,” another user agreed.

Other people were amazed at what a bad friend the bride was being. After all, she’d promised years earlier that she’d never have her wedding at a plantation.

And how great of a friend J, the bridesmaid, was.

In fact, people would love to have a bridesmaid as sweet as J.


J might be better off without this BFF, but the whole situation is still pretty “yikes.”

What a mess!