There’s a time of year when eating candy is basically completely unavoidable, and that time of year is upon us.
Starting with Halloween (unless you bought your candy three weeks ago while very wrongly imagining you could stop yourself from eating it), we all collectively loosen our belts. We embrace our yoga pants. We plod a little harder on the treadmill. Because holidays.
Right now, we’re all just easing ourselves into the deliciousness of what’s to come with the first round: Halloween. Of course, Halloween isn’t delicious in the same way as the other holidays, when you might actually happen to ingest something that’s good for you or at the very least has nutrients.
It’s purely fun, and fun means mounds and mounds of candy. Mostly, candy that we’ll be stealing from our kids’ buckets late at night.
Still, you shouldn’t be ashamed of your late-night thievery just as long as you’re picking the good stuff. Don’t waste your taste buds on candy corn, folks (even if it does pair well with a nice pinot noir). But if you’re going to eat things that will most definitely rot your insides and your teeth, you might as well pick the best.
Editor’s note: This list is based on the most up-to-date, extremely scientific research studies on Halloween candy, so it cannot be contested. Just kidding. We asked our Facebook friends, and this is what they said.
13. 3 Musketeers
This delicious candy was nearly overlooked, but it shouldn’t be! It’s chocolatey. It’s fluffy. But most importantly, it’s light enough that it leaves room for approximately eight to 12 other pieces of candy before the nausea sets in. Good on you, 3 Musketeers!
12. Milk Chocolate Hershey's Bar With Almonds
You can’t go wrong with a classic, and that’s just what a straight-up Hershey’s bar is. Our pick is the milk chocolate bar with nuts, but for those who are nut-free, go for the original. It’s plain. It’s delicious. It’s an old standby, sure, but not one you can ever seem to pass up. Either way, no one does milk chocolate quite like Hershey’s.
11. Baby Ruth
Oooooh, Baby. Ruth, that is. This candy just has so much to offer. Why don’t people obsess over it more? Well, we’re gonna! If you’ve been overlooking the Baby Ruth, here’s a quick ad: It’s a mouthwatering candy bar made of chocolate, nougat, peanuts, and caramel, so literally what is left to put in? The Baby Ruth is soooo good because it leaves so little to be desired.
We’re drooling over here.
10. Sour Patch Kids
You did not think we were about to leave off your favorite chewy, stick-to-your-gums, rot-your-teeth-in-a-jiffy, always-leave-you-coming-back-for-more candies, did you? No way! This list does not deliver that kind of bias. Sour Patch Kids are so, so, so addicting in the best way possible. You literally know you’re going to end up with those annoying little bumps on your tongue from eating too much sugar, but you just can’t care! That’s how you know Sour Patch Kids are where it’s at.
9. Nestlé Crunch
What is it about a Nestlé Crunch bar that makes it so delectable? Is it the milk chocolate? The crispy-crunchy consistency? The simplicity of this very special yet dependable treat? Who knows? But we’ll take five.
8. Almond Joy
Why is this candy so underrated? Joy is literally in the name, so there’s that bit of logic to place this mouthful of amazing right in the middle of this list. Of course, you have to enjoy coconut to be all about this fluffy, melt-in-your-mouth bit of yum that has just the right amount of crunch. But coconut is amazing, so get down with it. Unless you really hate it. In that case, more for us.
Unless you hate all candy in general, or you’re, ya know, a dentist, you cannot take issue with Skittles. This candy choice is inarguably solid as a rock. If you don’t want to taste rainbows, then what are you even doing here?
We’re getting close to the top of our list, and that means things are getting serious. Have no fear, Butterfinger is here. This candy is so good that one study participant even said she likes the way it sticks to her teeth, and honestly, we kind of get it. Butterfingers have that amazing peanut-buttery crispiness coated in milk chocolate that makes them so delicious, you seriously don’t care if your fingers are covered in all of it, hence the very poignant name.
No, you wouldn’t dare leave Starburst off this list. Especially the pink ones, know what I’m sayin’? They could make a whole package of pink ones, and no one would argue. Literally not one person. Each and every flavor is downright delicious and worth stealing from your kids, but pink is on a whole other level.
Does putting Snickers in the top five really require an explanation? We think not. However, we’ll oblige. Snickers have chocolate and caramel and nuts, and honestly, if you’re going to eat candy in the middle of the night or pretty much any time at all, you can’t go wrong with a Snickers. It will definitely leave you satisfied, but not enough that you couldn’t handle. It might be the king of candy bars, but that’s what minis are for. You can eat 40 of them and still have room for dinner. And by dinner we mean more Snickers.
3. Kit Kat
We don’t only love Kit Kat for the quality advertising (break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar!). We love ’em for that delicious wafery crunch. That ooey-gooey chocolate. It’s a rough one to steal because you know kids will be hoarding their Kit Kats, but we’ll totally take our chances getting caught. That’s what the back of the freezer is for!
Contrary to popular belief, a Twix is not meant to be shared. Then why are there two, you ask? So you can enjoy it twice, obviously. A Twix is a candy that will never go out of style. You can eat it year-round, but come Halloween, there’s just no stopping you from inhaling a few of those babies and feeling no shame whatsoever. A Twix is a perfect candy. ‘Nuff said.
The top spot goes to the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, and truthfully, it wasn’t that tough of a contest. People hail Reese’s as the best Halloween candy of all time, no matter where you go or who you ask. You simply can’t go wrong with chocolate and peanut butter — it’s a winning combination! Not to mention, the soft middle, the ridged edges … it all just works.
We may have had them for breakfast. Don’t judge. We were out of eggs.