1. The Nitpicker
I’m always a little dumbfounded when I overhear some parents’ conversations with teachers at the end of the day. My conversation usually goes like this:
Me: “How was his day?”
Teacher: “Great day. He crawled, played with toys, laughed at his friends…etc”
Me: “Great! Thank you. See you tomorrow!”
We receive little daily sheets of information, so this is really all I need to hear from them when I do pick-up.
The conversation of a “nitpicker” is much more intense and exhausting to listen to.
It goes a little something like this: “How was her day? Did she poop? How many times did she poop? Was it green? Did she eat the blueberries? Why not? Why did you give her the beans and not the blueberries? How long did she sleep? Did she sleep in the crib or in the swing? How many bottles did she have? Did she drink all 4 oz. every time or did she only drink 3 and a ¼ oz.?”
My gosh. These poor teachers have one goal: keep your kids alive and well. If you’re lucky like me, they also love them and enrich their lives, but seriously, do you honestly think they pay attention, remember, or care what color poop your child had? No. The answer is no.
2. The Overachiever
Let me just start by saying I both hate and envy these parents. Ok, I’m jealous of them. The feelings are real.
The overachiever parent is the one who walks into daycare with their hair perfectly coiffed, outfit on point, carrying their kids’ gear in a spotless (probably white) monogrammed bag.
Their kids are equally put together, with their hair brushed, clean faces, and matching socks.
They hold the door for you (the hot mess), while their kids wait patiently inside. You say “thank you” and scurry in after your child whose face is orange from cantaloupe, hair looking like it has been caught in a wind turbine. Score. Did I mention I am usually wearing stretchy jeans that act like Spanx and an oversized sweater to hide my post-baby wobbly bits? I won’t event get started on my hair.
3. The Loiterer
There are two types of loitering parents. The first is likely to be a new mom who has a hard time leaving her child at daycare. That was definitely me with my daughter. I would hangout in her room for a good 30 minutes and then blow kisses at the gate for an additional five. I get it. It can be hard at first. Give it a year, or have another child, and you will be like bye as you run to the car for some alone time. What I am trying to say is that it gets easier.
The second type of loiterer is the parent who never wants to leave daycare at the end of the day. I see this guy in the lobby every day at 5:15 p.m. His kid is usually having a snack or running around like a lunatic, as he looks completely defeated on the couch with all of the bags.
I get this too. It’s kind of like being in the hospital after birth. Who wants to go home and brave parenthood alone when you can stay in the hospital a little longer and have the support of doctors and nurses? Help is nice.
That being said, you do have to leave. The struggle to get your child into the car will be hard, but it will still be hard in 15 minutes, so hop to it. The teachers want to go home too. They spent all day with your crazy kid(s)…it is your turn.
4. The Apologizer
This is definitely me. I’m usually saying “I’m sorry,” before I even enter the classroom. It comes out before anything else. Usually for one of these reasons:
“I am sorry for being late, again.”
“I am sorry for forgetting my daughter’s water bottle, again.”
“I am sorry for forgetting pizza money, again”
“I am sorry that my child had explosive poops all day yesterday, again”
“I am sorry that I didn’t bring more diapers, again.”
The list can go on and on. But, you should know, I am truly sorry. And, I’ll work on it.
5. The Hot Mess
This is the parent whose kid is tantruming on the sidewalk, because they didn’t let him close the car door by himself.
This is the parent who is standing awkwardly outside of school, because their kid pushed the buttons on the keypad too many times and it has locked them out.
This is the parent who is dropping shoes, mittens, lunch boxes, and blankets from their bags and car seat as they maneuver their way down the hallway to their child’s classroom.
This is the parent who runs in at 9:10 a.m. every day, when your kids are supposed to be there no later than 9 a.m.
This is also, sometimes, me.